Saturday, April 26, 2014

One Easy Way to Reduce Social Anxiety

Over the years I have worked with many clients who suffer with social anxiety.  They feel self-conscious and anxious when in the company of people they don't know well or when in groups.  Feelings of inadequacy and fears of being judged as boring, uninteresting or not good enough are common.  For some people social anxiety can be very debilitating, causing them to narrow their social lives and creating a lot of misery.


The good news is there are lots of things that you can do to reduce social anxiety and yesterday evening while out running on a local woodland trail one beautiful deer reminded me of one very important way.  Here's what happened...


I have had a fascination and love of deer for years.  I feel blessed to live in an area where from time to time I cross paths with them when out walking, running or driving.  Mostly I only get a fleeting glimpse because the minute they sense you, they scarper in to the bushes.  Even a fleeting glance makes my day.  They are truly beautiful creatures.


Last night while running I had the pleasure of seeing six deer in a group.  Four immediately dashed across a river and into thick woodland but two moved away in the other direction.  As I continued on the trail it looped back to the same area and there were the two deer standing in the road.  On seeing me coming they immediately dashed up on to a bank nearby but surprisingly instead of running for cover, stayed in the open and curiously watched me from a distance as I ran by.  I looked at them and told them they were "beautiful creatures" to which they cocked their heads in an attempt to figure me out.


I was running two laps of the trail so on my next lap past the same area, the two deer were again on the road in front of me.  One immediately hopped on to the bank on seeing me coming but the other stayed and pushed his head forward like he was really trying to get an understanding of what I was.  Eventually when I was within 15 feet of him, he jumped up on to the bank but stayed close and as I ran by and again told him he was beautiful, he moved even closer to take a really good look at me.  It was as if he was thinking "WHAT IS THAT?"


I was totally amazed and thrilled.  I've spent many years fascinated by deer but I have never previously experienced a deer being fascinated with me.  Typically they are very fearful and shy animals.  When they see a human or hear a sound, they are out of there as quick as they can but yesterday something about me made this deer curious enough to override his normal instincts to run for cover and to stay in full view and to even move towards me to check me out.  Perhaps it was my bright pint tracksuit top and runners or my heavy breathing from the run.  Whatever it was, his curiosity over-rode his fear.  And THAT is the Lesson !


When someone is feeling anxious in a social situation their attention is focused inward on their own fears and discomfort.  "I don't have anything to say" "they'll think I'm boring" "I feel anxious".  They are focused on their own feelings of anxiety, their own self judgements and their need to feel safe and normal again.  The other person or people feel scary and threatening.  The thing that helps you over-ride this is when you become sufficiently curious and interested in the other person.  Curiosity and interest draws you forward and out of yourself.  It helps you forget your fears.  At moments of anxiety this is very helpful.


So when I am working with someone who is suffering from social anxiety I usually teach them to notice their own anxiety but to look at the other person and to actively try to be curious and interested in them.  This could be just done in their own head by thinking "I wonder how they are feeling today" or "what about this person interests me" or it could involve asking the other person questions about themselves.  Either way it shifts you from a place of "fear of the other" to "curiosity in the other".


Try it and see.  You'll be surprized how well it works!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

The Simple Power of Saying "I don't" vs "I can't"

Despite good intentions we often lack the motivation to pursue the goals we set for ourselves.  We might really want to kick a habit or make a positive lifestyle change such as losing weight, eating better, getting more exercise or giving up smoking but actually moving to the stage of making and sustaining that change is a different and much more difficult thing.  It's as if we are wired to sabotage ourselves leading to best laid plans quickly ending up on the scrap heap!


The dreaded temptation starts getting in the way.  It takes many forms, a comfy couch, a chocolate biscuit, a tired head, a long day at work, a busy life, boredom, stress....the list is endless.  Temptation abounds.  Before we know it we are back where we started feeling demotivated, deflated and a bit disappointed in ourselves.


Imagine if there was something simple we could do to switch the temptation / motivation balance in our favour.  Imagine if there was something simple that we could do to help ourselves succeed.  Well it turns out there is and researchers have managed to prove it AND it's as simple as changing the language you use when you refuse temptation (either in your head or when you speak to others) from "I Can't" to I Don't"


Picture the scene.... your colleague in work has just brought in a delicious carrot cake.  She is offering you a slice.  You LOVE carrot cake but you had promised yourself not to eat rubbish this week.  If you think to yourself "I cant have that carrot cake" then you are likely to feel deprived and what does deprivation do... it makes you want to eat.  If you think to yourself "I don't eat carrot cake" you feel "yeah I don't want that... I don't eat carrot cake"


Picture another scene... you are trying to increase the amount of exercise you take and have decided to go for a 4 km walk each day but today you are feeling kind of tired.  You tell yourself "I'm tired, I cant go for a walk" pretty likely you wont go but if on the other hand you tell yourself "I'm tired but I don't miss my walk no matter how tired I am" then you are more likely to get off your bum and just go despite how you feel.


In a study carried out by researchers at Boston College and the University of Houston, 128 participants were put on a healthy living program.  Half the participants were told that when they were faced with temptation they were to tell themselves "I don't do x" e.g. I don't eat chocolate.  The other half were told that when faced with temptation they were to tell themselves "I cant do x" e.g. I cant eat chocolate.  When tested with real temptation 64% of participants in the "I don't" group made a choice in line with their healthy living goal i.e. refused temptation / picked the healthier food option.  This compared with only 39% of the people in the "I cant" group.


In another study 30 participants attended a health and wellness seminar and following this adopted specific health and wellness promoting goals.  The participants progress was then followed over a 10 day period.  During this time 10 of the participant's were told to use "I don't" self talk and 10 were told to use "I can't" self talk when tempted to lapse in pursuit of their goals.  The other 10 were told to "just say no".  At the end of the 10 days, 8 out of 10 participants in the "I don't" group persisted with their new health goals whereas only 1 out of 10 participants in the "I can't" group and 3 out of 10 participants in the "just say no" group did.


So get those internal thoughts and words working for, not against you.  Help yourself to achieve your goals by choosing the language that make your actions feel like an empowered choice (I don't) rather than a forced restraint (I can't).  If you do, you'll be much more likely to achieve your goals.











Monday, January 7, 2013

How to Reduce Nicotine Cravings Naturally

I gave up cigarettes over 10 years ago.  At the time I was a 20 a day smoker and had been smoking since the age of 13 so had 15+ years smoking under my belt.  I had had a number of unsuccessful attempts including one where I had lasted almost 2 years without cigarettes but where the craving for them never seemed to fully go.

On my final and successful attempt I armed myself with 2 things, the first was packets and packets of Lemons Iced Caramel sweets.  Delicious very chewy toffee, covered in white or pink sweet icing.  My theory was that these sweets would keep my mouth so busy that I would not have time to think of having cigarettes!  The second was a steady supply of Navel Oranges, the lovely big sweet Oranges that we only tend to get in Ireland in the months of December, January and February but that some other lucky countries such as Spain have all year round.  My theory on the oranges was that when my Jaw got too tired chewing the Iced Caramels that they would be an equally sweet and far less calorific alternative.

So off I went munching my way through lots and lots of Iced Caramels and lots and lots of Oranges.  After a few days my jaw and my teeth were suffering the consequences of the toffee so I had to give up on the Caramels but I kept on muching on the Oranges (probably 4 - 6 a day) and after a while became pretty convinced that they actually did significantly reduce my cravings for cigarettes.

I started to wonder if anyone else had ever come up with a similar theory or whether this was all in my mind.  In those days a quick google was not an option because I didnt even know it existed so it was only several years later that I realised that in actual fact oranges do have links to reducing nicotine cravings.  Apparently it is because oranges are acidic and help eliminate nicotine from your body quicker.  They also help to replenish vitamin C and vitamin C is often used in the treatment of cravings (for cigarettes, alcohol or food).

A simple, cheap and in my case very effective way to kick the habit.  This time after a few months the cravings left me totally. 

Definitely worth a try, for any of you out there who might be trying to or thinking about giving up!

Monday, June 25, 2012

How to quickly and simply reduce symptoms of Anxiety and Stress

When people are feeling anxious or stressed they will often describe things as feeling a "little unreal" or feel like they are "beside" or "outside" or "disconnected" from themself.  The truth is from an energy field perspective they are actually right and what they are describing is the effect they are feeling from a shift in their energy field. 

When someone is very anxious or stressed their energy field tends to partly disconnect from the ground. Their energy moves upward in their field weighting more towards the head and sometimes also moves off centre to the left or right.  Their energy field does in fact become slightly disconnected at the root energy centre (chakra).  So their descriptions are very accurate.

At the same time the person may experience feelings of dizziness, difficulty concentrating, sensitivity to noises and sights among other symptoms.  It is a scary thing and the feelings often create more anxiety and stress further compounding the problem.

I have worked with many people with these symptoms and I have taught them a very simple technique to recentre and ground their energy field and almost without fail people have found that they can quickly bring their anxiety or stress symptoms down to a more manageable level.

Before I teach you this technique, I want firstly to explain what is happening in the energy field and why this happens.  Our energy field has 7 energy centres (chakras).  The root energy centre faces downward between the legs and the tip of it connects to the coccyx.  It is funnel shaped as are all the energy centres.  This energy centre relates to feeling safe and secure and it changes in response to how safe or secure the person feels.  If for example a loud bang happened and a person got a fright, their root energy centre would temporarily partly close in, in response to the fright.  Once the person realised all was ok the energy centre would start to open again.  The effect of the energy centre closing is that our energy field loses part of its connection to the ground.  It is like our energy field says "I'm out of here" and partly vacates our body in response to the threat.

In cases where someone is suffering from anxiety or stress they are usually living in a regular state of fear.  The root energy centre therefore tends not to be as open as it could be.  The effect of this is that the person will feel ungrounded.  Alot more energy will end up around their head (sometimes creating headaches, muscle tension etc).  Sometimes the energy centre may close more on one side than the other throwing the energy field off balance.

So what can you do about this???

If you recognise any of the things I have mentioned try this technique which re-centres and grounds your energy and helps your root energy centre to open again.

  • Firstly rate your anxiety level at this current moment from 1 - 10, where 1 is not at all anxious and 10 is highly anxious
  • Now bring your awareness to your body.  Note any area that feels particularly tense and let it relax a little.
  • Now bring your attention to the bottom half of you body (anything from the pelvis down).  Focus your attention in one area (example thighs, shins, feet) and just notice what you sense there.  What sensations do you feel?  Do you feel hot or cold?  What are you noticing?  Just observe.  Take a few minutes to do this.
  • If you feel your mind wandering just bring it back down to your one part of your legs and again focus on them and observe how they feel and what you are experiencing. 
  • Now bring your awareness to your feet.  Notice them on the ground.  Notice how they feel.  Do you feel any sensations?  Can you feel the ground?  Just observe.
  • If you feel your mind wandering just bring it back again to your feet.
  • Now bring your attention to your lower back, lower tummy, pelvis and notice if anything feels tight here and then just allow it to relax a bit more.  Take a couple of minutes to do this.
  • Now bring your attetion back down to your legs or feet (whichever feels easier) and again just notice what you feel, what sensations you experience.
  • Keeping your attention on the lower half of your body and also keeping your eyes in a slightly lowered position (looking toward the ground slightly away from you) bring your awareness to your breath and allow it to deepen. 
  • Take in a long slow breath all the way down to your lower tummy and let out a long slow breath.  Dont force this too much or over breath too much with this.  Just gently try to lenghten, deepen and slow your breath.
  • Keep doing this for a few moments, remembering to also keep your awareness on the bottom half of you body at the same time.
  • As you do this you may notice other areas of your body e.g. shoulders, neck etc that are tense, just let these relax a bit and then bring your awareness back to the bottom half of you body
  • After a few minutes you will start to feel a little calmer and less anxious
  • Rate your axiety level from 1 to 10 and see how much it has improved.  Keep doing this as much as is necessary until you feel at a comfortable level again.
This technique works because your energy follows your attention so when you focus your attention on the bottom half of you body your energy naturally starts to move there, re-grounding itself again.  Once it starts to centre and ground again the root chakra starts to open and your body starts to feel less tense.

Wishing you all the best with the technique.  Hope you get great results.

Erica x



Thursday, July 21, 2011

It's The Beans - Accessing Inner Guidance

Back a couple of years ago I starting getting bad pains in my left shoulder. These pains would double me over and seemed to come out of the blue. I was beginning to think I had something seriously wrong with me so I went to the doctor and he suggested it was stomach acid (which seemed bizarre to me as I had no pains in my stomach) and advised going on a tablet to shut off the acid in my stomach. Not liking the sounds of this I decided I would first attempt to access my inner guidance system to see if it could tell me what was wrong before taking these drastic measures. (If you want to find out more about your inner guidance system see my last post Tapping in to Your Inner Guidance System)

So as I was heading to sleep that night I asked that I receive a dream explaining what was causing the pain in my shoulder. I woke up the next day and couldnt remember any dreams but decided to give it a second go so next night did exactly the same thing. Next day I woke up, got out of bed and then thought disappointingly that again I had not received any dreams or information. Just then I heard a screaming voice in my head saying "It's the Beans". The voice (my own voice of course) sounded extremely frustrated. If you can imagine someone trying to get through to someone who just wont listen and they have been trying a very long time and eventually get so frustrated that they just shout the words in sheer frustration at them....then you've got a good picture of what this voice sounded like.

I headed in to my computer and googled shoulder pain and beans and to my surprize up pops loads of articles linking the two !!!!. Turns out I had gone largely vegetarian in the previous 3 months which meant I had been consuming lots of beans and pulses in my diet. Very healthy but unfortunately also very hard to digest especially when the change is made suddenly. I still don't understand why the pain was in my shoulder but in essence it was a bizarrely placed wind pain. I cut back on the beans or just started chewing them much more thoroughly and bit by bit the shoulder pain disappeared.

Hey presto, no tablets, no medication, no unnecessary switching off of my vital stomach acids and one frustrated voice in my head very glad that I finally listened to it.

The lesson of course is that there is a vast amount of information, knowledge and guidance open to all of us. Perhaps it comes from spirit, from the collective unconscious or from our own inner knowledge but it doesn’t seem to become available to us until we consciously ask for an answer or ask for guidance. It can help us with the mundane or the vital in life so we'd be wise not to overlook it.

Tapping in to Your Inner Guidance System

We have an incredible guidance system available to us that many of us overlook. This guidance system can point us in the right direction, give us answers that were previously out of reach, give us knowledge we didn't previously know and can expertly guide us in our life. Furthermore it's available to us all by simply asking and being open to receive the answer.

Here is a trivial but rather bizarre incident that happened to me last week which shows this system at work.

I was doing a cross word puzzle in a magazine in hope of winning a fantastic prize of a cookery course in a top cookery school. I'm not a regular crossworder but had put in lots of effort and had managed to figure out all but one of the clues. I had been musing over this particular clue for days and had gone through every dictionary and every crossword site on the net. Then one day while out walking I got the bright idea to tap in to my guidance system to see if it could give me the answer and that is exactly what I did.

I asked "above" to give me the answer to the question. I continued to walk and within about 3 minutes the word Yoemen popped in to my head along with a picture of a man in a red hat and shoes with red bobbles. Low and behold it fits my space and the letters I already have. So with great excitement I head home, check it in the dictionaries online and it doesn't exist.... I am perplexed but then I google the word and find it is an old word (now spelt slightly differently) for a guard. This fits perfectly with my clue. I search google images and up pops a picture of the man similar to the impression I saw in my head !

So what happened there? Was this divine intervention or did I just simply tap in to information I already knew but was not conscious of. I don't think I'd heard this word before but perhaps I had. Personally I believe that spirit (spirit guides, god, angels, the universe) are there and available to help us and they do guide us. I also believe that there is a collective unconscious which we can tap in to which holds collectively known rather than personally known information and this can vastly widen our range of knowledge. Of course it is equally possible that I just tapped in to my own subconscious and accessed something I already knew but didn't remember.

The key thing is that I had been musing and trying to figure out this answer for days and had got nowhere. This difference now was two fold. Firstly I was in a relaxed state out enjoying a lovely walk in nature and secondly i asked specifically for something beyond myself to give me the answer.

Whether you believe in spirit, collective unconscious or personal subconscious doesn't really matter but what does matter is that you start realising that there is a vast amount of information, knowledge and guidance available to you if you only just ask for it.

So start asking now and I wish you much success in receiving all that you ask for. If you like this post and want to read more information on getting guidance on a health issue in a similar but slightly different way check out my blog post "It's the Beans"

Monday, November 29, 2010

Avoid misery with a recipe for happiness

With all this talk of contagion it is nice to see something about some positive contagion for a change. This article which appeared in the Irish times last week talks about emotional contagion and how happiness spreads. It will definitely make you think and is just the tonic for these dreary times !

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/health/2010/1123/1224283918724.html